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Reducing Conflicts in Relationships
by Walter Jackson
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People act certain ways to get their needs
met. Conflicts occur in our relationships when we fear those needs
are not going to be met. Here are the fears of the four major
behavioral styles and how you can communicate with them to reduce or
eliminate conflicts. Remember, these styles are how we use our
energy. Most people are a combination of the four styles, although
one is usually more pronounced than the other.
DOMINANT
The dominant person fears losing control of their environment and
being taken advantage of. How to communicate with a Dominant Style?
* Focus on
facts and ideas rather than the people
* Have evidence to support your argument
* Be quick, focused, and to the point
* Ask what not how
* Talk about how problems will hinder accomplishments
* Show them how they can succeed
INFLUENCING
Influencing styles fears rejection, loss of approval. How to
communicate with a “I” Style?
* Be social and friendly with them, build the relationship
* Listen to them talk about their ideas
* Help them find ways to translate the talk into useful action
* Don’t spend much time on the details
* Motivate them to follow through to complete tasks
STEADINESS
Steadiness styles fear sudden change
and losing security. How to communicate with a “S” Style?
* Create a human working environment for them
* Give them time to adjust to change
*Clearly define goals for them and provide
ongoing support
* Be genuinely interest in them as a person
* Recognize and appreciate their achievements
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Avoid hurry and pressure
* Present new ideas carefully
CONSCIENTIOUSNESS
Conscientiousness fears criticism, and being involved with people
or projects lacking standards. How to communicate with a “C” Style?
* Warn
them in time and generally avoid surprises
*Be prepared. Don't ad-lib with them if
you can
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Be logical, accurate and use clear data
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Show how things fit into the bigger picture
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Be specific in disagreement and focus on the
facts
*Be patient, persistent and diplomatic
When we can identify people’s behavioral styles
and our own, we can use their language to influence them and
gain their cooperation. In other words we adapt to their behaviors
and mirror them. Notice I didn’t say change ourselves, but adapt to
them. One study of millionaires found one of the most common
characteristics of these wealthy people is that they know how to
adapt to situations and people which attributed to their success in
business and personally.
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